You’re an addiction I cannot quit. This hunger to be with you, to touch you, to taste you, to fuck you; it burns in my blood until I cannot fight it any more. Calling to me, always calling to me – like a throbbing pulse in my mind, in my cunt, in my being. How did you get under my skin with such ease Lisa? How can I ever stop wanting to be with you? This torment which haunts my every waking thought and sleepless nights, this torment, it has consumed me. You’re my cocaine, and I’ll do anything to have you, anything. Even if it means sharing with you that which is most precious to me, even if I have to share him.

We’ve been talking about it for weeks since I’d confessed about being with Lisa again; talking about the three of us being together, sharing each other, making love, in one bed, all of us, together. It’s how I need it to be now. I don’t want to have something outside of what we have, and so we’ve decided to invite her into our life this way – but I’m afraid. I don’t know how I’m going to feel, I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I see her take your cock in her mouth, or when you put your mouth on her body, or when you fuck her. Maybe you’ll just want to watch me with her – watching me slide my tongue along her skin and down between her legs, or maybe you’ll love watching her make me come. What if it scares you? What if I come differently for her than I do for you? What if you like fucking her better than me? I don’t know what all of this means or where it’s leading, but I have to know. I have to find out because I can’t give her up, and I can’t have her without you being there to keep me safe. It would be too easy for me to drown in her and lose myself forever… you have to be there.

Part of me gets excited at the thought of you watching us together. I want to see the look on your face when you see the look on mine as her tongue pierces my cunt and circles my clit. I want you to hear me moan for her. I want you to see me when she slides her fingers inside me, or when she turns me over and spanks me and tells me I’ve been a bad girl. I want you to share this with me. I want you both to share this. I want you to both share me.

I’ve imagined every detail of what might happen, of what I might do, of what I want to do. I want to suck your cock and taste her cunt all over your skin after you’ve fucked her. I want to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is while you play with her pussy, or while you’re fucking her tight ass. I want to watch your cock disappear inside her cunt and I want to straddle her face while you’re deep inside her. I want to share your cock with her and I want us to take turns swallowing your hard thick shaft. Every thought makes me wetter and wetter – and I’ve told you everything, all of this, what I want, how I imagine it will be – and you understand. This is a step we take together. This is our choice, and it’s a choice you’ve made for me, because you know, you just know that I have to have her this way. I just have to.

Will you tie me up and will you both do things to me? I ask you.

Yes, you tell me. I know you will. You’ve prepared. She’s prepared. Yet I am still afraid. I’m afraid of what this means; this need to be consumed by you both. I want to be that wanton creature, I want my flesh to be devoured, I want my mind to be set free… I want to be ordered, and teased, and tormented while you both satisfy your lust with my body. I want this submission, I need this submission, and I am ready. I am ready for this to happen.

The doorbell rings…

It’s Lisa…

I am ready.

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
- Anaïs Nin

It was just a fantasy. Something, a thought really, that I had nestled away tight inside my mind, only to find the dream had become my reality, and now, she was at the door, at my home, penetrating parts of me which I’ve been too afraid to explore until now. To open this part of me which cries out and yearns to be touched these ways from deep within my soul; it’s the beast inside me, the lust and hunger for her, and for him, for everything.

You have made this possible, and yet I sense the fear in you as well. I know you’re afraid of what this will mean and what we will become; but I know that love is never wrong and I love you both with everything that I am as a woman, with every part of my anatomy, with every part of my heart.

I pause. My palm is sweating against the brass doorknob. A slight tremble in my hand stops me from turning it and unleashing this fury. There is no turning back from this. No escape. Nowhere to run. She is here. It’s time.

We’ve planned this. We talked about what we would wear, how we wanted this to be. I’ve confessed my need to be taken completely by both of you, and you understand, even helped me find my way along this path of self discovery, guiding me, keeping me safe. You picked out my clothes. A schoolgirl uniform. Plaid skirt. White blouse. White knee socks. Tidy shoes. White cotton underwear. You washed and bathed me earlier. Shaving my legs, my underarms, my pussy. I couldn’t stand myself while you did this to me, while you transformed me into what I need to be, into what I am. I became so turned on as you spread the thick shaving cream over my skin and then slid the sharp razor against my body, washing and wiping away these bodily signs of maturity. God how I want this… how I want to be transformed… how I need this…

My heart is pounding in my chest as I stand before the door. My thin cotton underwear is snuggled tight against the swollen lips of my pussy, my cunt is so hot, so wet. I can feel the hot slippery liquid spreading out of me and soaking into the fabric. The scent is everywhere. My scent. Everywhere. I feel so amazing in this moment. My mind is transfixed on how I must look, and I can’t wait to see the her face when she sees me like this. I did this for her, she’s always wanted this, and this is my gift to her for this gift to me; to take me into those dark recesses of my erotic mind and make my fantasy real. To bring forth this dark desire and to live.

To live it…

You’ve tied my hair into pigtails; I feel so dirty and yet so amazing like this, as if every sexual urge and thought I ever had my entire life has rushed back into my consciousness. Memories of my life cascade through my mind – I remember the first cock I sucked out in the woods behind my house when I was sixteen, and how he came in my mouth, and what he tasted like. I remember the first time a boy put his hands between my legs, and clumsily fingered me. I remember that pain, and the pain of loss, and how tight my cunt was around his probing finger, and how I got so wet, and how he told me he liked the way I felt. I remember the first time another boy touched my breasts and sucked on my nipples, and how it made me wet when he did it, and how badly I wanted him to fuck me. I remember sneaking off with boys and letting them do whatever they wanted to with me, and I remember my boyfriend lifting my skirt, and pulling my cotton panties down around my knees and fucking me from behind. I remember all of these things I did, wearing clothes just like these, looking exactly as I did then, right now. I remember everything.

I can feel my clit tightening, swelling, pulsating harder with each rushing thought; I want to touch myself so badly, but you’ve made me promise not to. I won’t. I will obey you. I’ll do what you tell me. I’ll be a good girl. I promise…

My hand is clenched around the doorknob. The bell rings again. I steady myself and slowly turn it and pull open the door. I can’t bring myself to look up yet, I’m so afraid. What if she doesn’t like me this way? I’m so ashamed. I’ve been so bad. I’m such a dirty little girl. I look down at the floor and instinctively try and cross my legs together, as if I could keep the flowing insanity from my cunt at bay. I slowly lift my head and see her stilettos standing on the threshold. I hear her voice but I don’t know what she’s said, I can’t comprehend a word – I only know that her voice means safety, salvation, and rescue from this torment. God… Lisa… why… why…?

The door is open. I have opened. The threshold has been crossed. She’s here.

What do you see when you look at me? When your eyes travel the length of my body? Do you see my legs shaking as I stand before you dressed this way? Can you sense my fear Lisa? Can you feel me? Can you feel what I’m feeling, right now, here in this moment? Do you know how bad I need you?

Can you see me?

You walk through my door and I stand before you, afraid to look into your eyes. I’m trembling. I want to cry. I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t know it would be this hard, or that I would need this so much that I couldn’t turn away, that I couldn’t say no. Not now. Not ever. You sense this – as a predator senses the fear in their prey, you now sense my fear – and yet this is how you want me, this is how I need it to be. Hunted. Wanted. Pursued. Taken.

Your hand reaches for me and you pull me close, embracing me tight against your breast. My head sinks down into you as your arms wrap around me and hold my small body next to yours. Your fingers tease my hair, run along my cheek – I can tell you’re smiling – I can feel your warmth and love as I cling to you; frightened, scared, unsure of what I’m doing. You whisper to me, holding my face in your hand as I slowly lift my head to look at you. You’re amazing Lisa. So beautiful, so sexy, so powerful.

My eyes clear and focus on your face and I pull back a bit and soak you into my mind. You open your coat and let me see all of you. Your legs are encased in silk stockings rising up to the hemline of your miniskirt. I can see the hooks of your garter belt peeking out from under your skirt and I can only imagine your hot cunt waiting underneath. Your breasts are larger than mine, and I can see your nipples pushing through your tight tank top – I want to reach out and touch them, take them into my mouth and suck them as you hold my head against your flesh. Our hands moving, always moving – touching each other everywhere. I want to nuzzle my tongue under your arms and taste your salty skin – and then it hits me – why you are here, why this is different, why I have dressed this way – the nervous butterflies come back as your hungry eyes devour me. Is this what you wanted baby? Do you like me this way? Do you like my uniform? Do you like your dirty girl?

You want to know where he is. In the shower I say, my voice shaking as I watch the smile spread across your face. I notice that you’re carrying something, a black duffel bag – my mind begins to race. You’ve been talking to Jeff on the phone for weeks planning this, talking about this, discussing what the two of you would do, how you wanted this to be. He told me what to wear and I did it. I did what he told me to do, but I don’t know what he told you, or what you told him, or what the two of you planned. I’m afraid and excited – I feel my cunt swell, growing wetter as I imagine what might be inside the bag.

I told him that I wanted and needed to be tied up. That I wanted to be taken by the both of you. That I needed this to be this way. If I am to enter this dark world I both desire and fear, I need you both to do this. I don’t want to turn back, I don’t want to stop before it happens, I don’t want to lose my nerve and back away from this – so I must be bound, blindfolded, gagged, restrained – whatever must be will be. I love and trust you both, but what if I should suddenly cry out and want to stop? What if I can’t stand to watch you suck his cock, or watch him fuck you? What if I don’t want to share you with him, or him with you – no – this must happen, this has to happen, I will not stop this from happening – you will both make sure this happens.

Did the two of you plan this? Were you supposed to arrive while he was still in the shower so you could have me first? Please tell me Lisa… what am I supposed to do?

You set the bag down on the floor and close the door behind you. Your hand reaches for my arm as your fingers clasp tightly around my wrist, tugging on me, pulling me into the room. I don’t expect this, I don’t know what you’re going to do Lisa, what are you going to do?

I hear your voice again, ordering me to get on my knees. I fall to the floor and kneel before you – your hands hold my face, your fingers digging into my cheeks as you slowly move closer to me – you lift my head and look into my eyes before you bend down and kiss me – I look away and notice the bag on the floor one last time before you stand over me and slide my head under your skirt. My mouth lingers inches away from your pussy for a moment before you push my head against your soaking cunt. My tongue instinctively reaches for your clit but you pull me hard against you and I slip deep inside your cunt… and drown in you.

Tell me. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want. I’m useless without that, without your words, without your commands. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and confused, desperately seeking answers; I struggle with this identity, I struggle with this desire – there are no words to explain this, no way to tell you what it is I seek, yet you somehow always know Lisa. You always know what to do.

I close my eyes. My tongue slides up and down along your wet slit. The juices from your soaking cunt fill my mouth, I taste you everywhere. Your clit is swollen and hard, growing harder as my tongue slowly circles the hard bead; I lift the hood with the tip of my tongue and flick across it before descending down again, slipping inside you. God you taste so good Lisa…

Your hands hold my head, fingers stroking my hair, guiding me to where you want my mouth to be. You pull me tighter, closer, grinding your pussy against my face, using my tongue as a cock as you make me fuck you. I search for you. My hands reach around you and start to slide up the back of your legs, reaching higher, trying to hold onto you.

You stop and pull away. I look up at you; I know I must look surprised, confused. Why did you stop Lisa? Why did you pull away from me?

You scold me. You tell me that you haven’t given me permission to touch you. You tell me you’re going to punish me for misbehaving.

Waves of hurt and humiliation crash over me. You’ve never spoke to me this way before. I don’t understand Lisa. I want to cry. I want to run away. I feel the blood rush to my cheeks as I burn with shame… I just wanted to touch you…

I watch you walk over to the bag and bend down to unzip it. You pull a shiny pair of police handcuffs out and hold them up so I can see them. I’m frightened Lisa. I watch you look at me, watching me tremble, delighting in the terror you’ve instilled in me as you hold them in your hand and walk back toward me. Are you really going to put those on me? Are you really going to make me wear those?

My eyes look away but it doesn’t matter, I’ve already seen too much. I fight the urge to get up and run away but I’m paralyzed with fear and emotion… it stops me and I stay down on my knees, looking at the floor, looking away, looking at anything but the handcuffs you’re holding in your hand.

You move behind me and slide your hands down over my blouse and start massaging my nipples through the fabric. You pinch them and make them hard, kneading my flesh until I start to moan. My mind becomes consumed with thoughts of rescue, where is Jeff?? I wonder. Is he still in the shower? Why hasn’t he come out yet? Where is he??

I hear your words and I obey you Lisa. You tell me to unbutton my blouse and take it off, but you tell me to leave my bra on. I do it. You help me slide the sleeves off my shoulders and you toss my shirt aside. I feel your fingers on my shoulders, gently massaging my muscles. Your smooth palms slide up and down along my back, down my spine and back up to my neck. Your nails lightly rake against my skin and I feel your fingers tighten around my neck just moments before you grab me with a tight clutch and push my head down. I cry out. You’re hurting me Lisa. It hurts, but you don’t stop. You tell me to put my hands behind my back and I feel the cold steel clasp my wrist and lock tightly around me. You pull my arms back and lock them together – leaving me on my knees, undressed, handcuffed.

Fear and panic take over. My heart is pounding in my chest as waves of emotions consume me. I start to cry. I can’t help it. I’m shaking. I’m so scared. I know you won’t hurt me but I don’t know if I like this Lisa. I’m so unsure. I’m so…scared…

I feel your arms warp around me again. Your hands start to massage my breasts, teasing my nipples, pinching me, pulling on my body. I’m so wet. I can feel the wet crotch of my panties against the smooth skin of my shaved pussy. I know my scent is everywhere yet all I can remember is the taste of you. The panic starts to pass as you continue to touch me, easing me back into a place of calm, a place of love, a place of safety. You’ve scolded me and punished me. I’m now restrained. I’m ready Lisa. I’m ready to go further…

My knees start to hurt but you won’t let me get up. I hear your heels clicking against the wood floor. You’re walking back towards the bag, walking away from me, leaving me here like this. What are you going to get? What else is in the bag Lisa?

If I close my eyes maybe it won’t happen… maybe it won’t be real….

I listen as you walk back towards me, walking around in front of me. You’re holding something. I try and see what it is. You’re smiling – you’re smiling because of what you’re holding. What is it Lisa?

The gasp catches in my throat… your hand reaches for my face, lightly caressing my cheek as your fingers open… and I watch it fall free from your hand…

A Blindfold….

My eyes close before you slip the black cloth around my ears and under my hair, almost a reflex to prepare myself for the deprivation of sight; this erotic altered state of consciousness you’re guiding me to – you leave me on my knees as you tie the cloth securely behind my head, bending down to ratchet the steel bracelets around my wrist, binding my arms together – I am helpless Lisa, powerless - as you want me, as I need you to make me; taking away my will, my control, my choice. Yet I enter into this fully aware of what I am doing, my choice is in my surrender, my willingness to part with the privileges of freedom in exchange for the pleasures you will give me.

This conscious choice I have made to shatter any illusion of control, giving you complete power over my body, my mind, my life – there is fear, there is panic, there is the pulse of my blood rushing from my heart to every inch of my skin – summoned together for one purpose – my cunt is hot, wet, slippery. I’m unable to control my arousal, my desire for this betrays every protective instinct I thought I had, and though this is my choice, I must confront the real truth; that I have no choice, that I am bound to you, that I am yours, I am his, I am whatever you want me to be.

I feel your body against my back as you move behind me. You spread your legs enough to wrap my kneeling body with your thighs. You whisper in my ear, telling me what to do. My fingers reach for you, my arms hurt but you make me stretch, reach, beg and plead to find you… to find your pussy.

You tease yourself against my chained hands as I blindly try to find you only to have you push your wet cunt against my fingers moments later. I bend my finger and try to slide it inside you as your hot breath and wet lips slide over my shoulder. Your hands reach between my legs and I part for you – a single finger traces my slit through the wet cotton – oh god Lisa, I’m so wet, I need you so badly – I don’t dare ask you to let me come, I already know what the answer will be, but I beg you just the same – your touch is exquisite torture, my clit throbs with the steady pulse of my body as your hands explore my flesh; careful, methodical, deliberate touching and teasing until I cry out and beg you not to stop.

Your nails rake against my back as you slip the straps of my bra down off my shoulders, freeing my breasts. My heart flutters and waves of panic rush over me – I’ve left my rings in. I meant to take them out, but something stopped me from doing it, or maybe I wanted to leave them in – these large hooks in my nipples for you to pull and tug and play with. I feel your fingers move between my breasts, touching me in ways that are so familiar, so gentle, so comforting. The first touches are soft as you slowly tweak my nipples harder, stiffer against the tips of your fingers; though such pleasures are not without a price, and you remind me of this as you begin to turn my flesh with the silver rings until I cry out and beg you to stop – my cries go unanswered as you slide your hand between my legs and begin to rub my clit, softening me, easing me back before you inflict your delightful torture on me again. I feel your fingers slide across my abdomen and lightly brush against my swollen nipples, taking a ring in a single finger of each hand… as you use them to lift me off my knees.

The pain shatters my consciousness as I try to keep my balance. The sensation of pins and needles rushes through my legs as I fight to stand up and not stumble to the floor with your fingers hooked into my breasts. I cry out and scream but you don’t let me fall – your arms wrap around my body and steady me just seconds before I collapse. You hold me still, your fingers combing through my hair, whispering to me, keeping me safe.

You turn me around towards you but I cannot see you. I feel you move closer to my face – your lips brush against mine as your tongue slips inside my mouth with a kiss. My arms are sore, my legs hurt, my cunt is wet, my nipples are on fire, yet everything is at peace and ease with the gentle touch of your soft kisses.

Again your fingers begin to explore me, reaching under my uniform skirt, slipping under the waistband, into my soaking panties, plunging deep into my cunt. You force two, then three fingers inside me as I stand here before you. I want to drop to the floor and spread my legs for you Lisa. I want to feel your tongue in my cunt, your fingers inside me, but I can’t. I can’t move, I’m forced to stand here and endure this as you fuck me with your hand, pulling your fingers out one by one and bringing them up to my mouth to lick them clean, tasting my own cunt on your skin as you slide each of them over my tongue before you return them to my pussy.

I moan and cry and pant for you – such pleasures you give me Lisa, such beautiful feelings of ecstasy. Your hands mold me and turn me as if I were raw clay, your sculpture. Hands on me everywhere…your hands in me… and then… another’s.

His.

Your hands move across my skin, the knots in my flesh bind tighter with each stroke of your roaming fingers. Touching me. Feeling me. How far have I fallen into this abyss, this wonderland of ecstasy; the barriers I once feared now shattered as both of you place your hands on my body, familiar fingers reaching between my legs, palms sliding over my breasts, stopping so briefly to whisper over my swollen nipples, tweaking my desire with a turn of my rings. I want to collapse into this beautiful deep blue sea and swim in the beauty of these feelings. If my life were to end in this instant I would only know the joy of having been loved by both of you, and my heart would be content and my soul would be at peace.

The intensity of these feelings, these sensations of bliss, what this means, all of this eludes any definition my mind can conjure – my fear of the arrival of this moment, fear of the first touch, fear of the first time of being touched by both of you in one perfect instant has been washed away. It’s happening now; this door has swung open and there is no going back, no changing this. In my mind I know that this is the beginning of something else and that I have changed. I no longer fear the unknown… I want to know where this long dark road leads me. I need to know…

You both lead me up the stairs. I feel your fingers wrapped around my arms, holding me tight as I lift my sore legs with each rising stair. You’re both holding me, almost carrying me up the steps into my bedroom. The scent of sandalwood incense fills my senses; I listen now, my eyes still covered with the inky black blindfold, yet I am somehow more aware of everything around me – every scent, every touch, every sound, every whisper between the two of you. These chains which bind my wrists together are tight, but I find that there is such comfort in being bound – it’s almost inexplicable how safe I feel in these cold steel handcuffs, these bonds which now represent my surrender… they represent everything I am, everything I have become. This bondage is more than just surrendering my flesh to you, but my mind as well. I have no desire to resist, no urge to escape – I embrace these restraints you have placed me in, and I am now defined by this craving and need for such things; this desire to give myself fully and turn my very being over to the both of you. My transformation is complete. I submit.

*

The room is lit only by candlelight. You’ve slipped the blindfold off me as you turned the key and freed one of my wrists and then attached the cuff to your own wrist as if to prevent me from escaping. My eyes blink rapidly as they try to adjust to the light. I can only see you Lisa, I don’t know where he is, but I know he’s here. I heard you whispering to him as you were both leading me up the stairs, but he isn’t here, I can’t see him anywhere. I don’t know if I’m hallucinating but I feel as though my mind has gone someplace else – a calm has spread over me but the fear gnaws in the back of my consciousness because I know there are still many more barriers left to break.

Somehow I know that I am ready, but I’m still afraid, I’m still clinging to the fear of how it will feel when you assault every sense my body is capable of receiving. I am aware of my heart pounding in my chest, the sweat beading up under my arms and between my breasts. I am aware of my tender nipples and my sweltering pussy, my thin cotton underwear has long since soaked through and is damp with my honey sweet desire. My cunt aches to be filled, my body wants to come so badly, every pore of my skin wants to be touched and licked and massaged. I want to be fucked. I want to be opened. I want to be whole. I want to be taken. I want to be forced open and forced to obey each of you. I need your words, I need your commands, I need your strength.

*

I feel him next to me. Soft kisses on my shoulders and familiar hands sliding down my back and over my ass. My legs part for you yet you didn’t ask me to – I know you want to put your fingers inside me and I gladly, gratefully open myself for you. My moans are so loud, coming from someplace I’ve just discovered inside myself, a sound I’ve never made before, though it doesn’t surprise me that I’m crying and the tears flow from my eyes as your fingers part my labia and circle my clit before sliding deep inside me. Your touch, your attention, your desire for me completes my existence and gives me purpose. Lisa is next to me, and I suddenly become aware that she’s holding my falling body up as your fingers massage my pussy – somehow making me wetter than I already am. The candlelight flickers off the silver key in her hand as she unlocks the steel bracelet from her wrist. My arms are now free for the moment and my remaining clothes are removed from my body; my bra slips away, my underwear is slid down my legs around my ankles and off my body, my plaid skirt pushed down past my hips falling to the floor – naked – my hands reach for my bare pussy, my finger sliding over my clit, parting my lips and sinking into my cunt. So wet, so very wet…

Out of the corner of my eye I notice the wooden chair placed near the bed and I know it’s for me. I watch her as she opens her duffle bag, and I watch her take each piece out one by one. The large black dildo with the suction cup at the base, four long scarves, and the purple butterfly.

*

You walk towards me holding the butterfly and order me to lift my legs as you slip the vibrator up and fasten it around my pussy, pushing it down against my clit. I watch him place the dildo on the seat of the chair, pulling on it to make sure it’s steady, unmovable. You hand him the scarves and I watch him tie them to each leg of the chair… and I know…

I know what’s next for me.