Where’s all the hot sex stories, Jill? I’ll tell you where. They are either in my archives or on someone else’s site, but they sure aren’t happening around here lately.

What is happening around here lately seems more like a pornographic episode of Benny Hill and Monty Python mashed together. It’s hot, it’s comical, and sometimes just ridiculous.First, there’s the problems with my neck and back. Most positions are out of the question, and I’m beginning to think that maybe ALL positions are out of the question but hell if that’s going to stop me. A randy slut like myself does not give up that easily, oh no.

Then my husband screwed up his ankle, really badly. Now we’ve got a couple where one can’t lay down and one can’t stand up.

Ok, yes. Just try to imagine a sex position that works with that, because really, if you can clue me in, I’d love it.

A lot of our exploits lately have been a lengthy warm up for Moi, since I’m in so much freaking pain it’s hard to get past that and get the mind focused on purely sex. Once I get there, it’s a matter of, “Ok, let’s try this….yah, that’s working, oh, oh, oh yah, that feels good, oh, oh, (SCREAM) BAD BAD BAD NO!” while I hobble about or thrash around, sometimes sobbing in pain.

Start over.

Same thing, different position, same scenario.

Start over.

Jack, in the meantime, is usually working hard to not get frustrated and just maintain an erection long enough for his wife to stop whimpering and initiate sex again. Most of the time he’s terrified he’s going to hurt me. Since he fucked up his ankle, I’m scared I’ll hurt him AND me.

There IS some great sex going on, don’t get me wrong. It’s just taking a lot more staging now, and I’m not a big fan of staging, more of a fan of spontaneity myself. Alas.

Maybe if one of you came over and filmed it, then put it all in high speed and added the Benny Hill theme, and perhaps someone else would be willing to dress up as the Minister of Silly Walks, and just walk through the scene once or twice, that would be great.

At least we could have some hilarious home movies to remember this time by. Hell, maybe we could make some money off of it, and go into business selling comical porn.

Oiy.